Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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