are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
