Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize