I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize