So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
