Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
