Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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