Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
