he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
