We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
