i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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