I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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