If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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