i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
