so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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