the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
