Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
