Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
