and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
