We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
