I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
