Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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