the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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