He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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