Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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