Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
