Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you win again, gameday.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He felt like a one man threesome
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
