I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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