hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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