u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
