I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
