I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
