Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
