I'm drive I can fine osifer
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
