Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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