I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
