My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
