Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
