Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
