He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
