In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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