if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
