I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize