I got chris browned last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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