News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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