One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
