i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
