i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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