Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
