I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
