I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
