Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
