So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
