If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
