I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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