is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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