all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
