u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
