Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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