Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
