so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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