I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
