Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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