gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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