is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
