trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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