I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
