You just made me feel so damn special
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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